Dysfunctional Families
Genesis 37:1-5

The term “dysfunctional” is used quite often today in regard to families. The word refers to the sense of disintegration produced in a family where there is a lot of hurt. From a Christian perspective, it is a home that is not functioning as God intended. This could be the result of divorce, lack of communication, rivalry among the children, self-consumed parents, addictions, and the list goes on and on.

One of the strange dynamics in family life is that when children grow up, they often repeat the mistakes of their parents. When we look at the family histories of men who are abusers, we often find that their fathers suffered from the same problems. A friend of my wife who was having trouble juggling work and raising two small children commented about how she wished that she did not have such a responsibility. Her little six- or seven-year-old overheard the comment. While playing with her sister, my wife overheard her say, “I’m just not going to have kids when I grow up! It’s too much responsibility!” This is the parental dilemma of raising children. Their radar often will pick up on our thoughts and actions even when we don’t think they are paying attention. But despite the dysfunction in your family, fathers, you are encouraged to be leaders.

When we look at Jacob’s family history, we see he came from a dysfunctional family where he was favored by his mother, Rebecca, while his brother, Esau, was favored by his father, Isaac. This not only put the brothers at odds against each other, but it almost led Esau to take Jacob’s life. And even though Isaac could not help but know about the conflict in his family, he was silent. God never intended for parenting to be this way, but now we live in a society where our children have mothers who want to raise them without a father’s influence. Some women are even asking the question, “What do I need him for?” This is a dilemma in an ever-changing society which sanctions marriage between two men or two women. The truth is that everything we know about marriage and parenting—for good or bad—we learned in our homes. The end result is that dysfunctional families can create dysfunctional families for generations.

Living in a dysfunctional family can make it very difficult for one to live for God. But it is not impossible, as we will see. In our study, Joseph is proof that it can be done. He was raised in a home filled with angry, jealous, and deceitful people. But Joseph was faithful to God, despite his family upbringing. I want to say this to those of you who may not have come from what one would call “the best family experience”: you can make it if you try!
   
Here’s what we know about Jacob’s family:

1. As one preacher said, “Joseph’s family was so unbelievable that it could not even be made into a soap opera for television.” He had three step-mothers, ten step-brothers, and a step-sister, all living in the same home at the same time. Just try to imagine the turmoil in this family. Jacob, Joseph’s father, was a polygamist and a passive parent who openly showed favoritism among his children.
   
   Jacob had shown favoritism towards one son over the other eleven. This is probably one of the worst mistakes a parent can make when there is more than one child. Jacob, perhaps unintentionally, created the same adversarial role between his sons and Joseph that Isaac and Rebecca had created between Jacob and his brother, Esau. (Genesis 27:41)  In no way did Jacob try to hide his partiality. And despite the damage his act of favoritism was doing to his family, Jacob remained silent and made no attempt to remedy the situation. The latter part of verse three says, “. . . Also he made him a tunic of many colors.” This term “tunic of many colors” is also translated as “many-colored” or “richly ornamented,” but the Hebrew word describes it as a robe extending to the ankles and wrists, perhaps with an embroidered narrow strip of color around the edge. It was a garment worn by nobility and the wealthy. On the other hand, Joseph’s brothers wore the simple garments of shepherds. In essence, Joseph’s robe declared his favored position in the family.
   
   
2. With the already-apparent tension, we are told that Joseph brought back an evil report to his father about his brothers. We are not told what the report was; we just know that it was not good. Hence the tension increased. (Genesis 37:1-2) Conjecture has been busily employed to find out what this evil report might be, but it is needless to inquire what it was, since on this subject the sacred text is perfectly silent. All the use we can make of this information is that it gave his brothers another reason to show hatred towards him. Yet Jacob was silent. Fathers, when we see problems in our home, we must not be passive if we are to hold our family relations together. The world suffers when good men do nothing!
   
   
3. Jacob had 12 sons, but only one knew how to dream. And when he dreamed, even though his family was large in size, his dreams were bigger than his present surroundings. Joseph didn’t keep his dreams to himself, but he shared them. Normally, this would be a good thing to do, but in Joseph’s case, it worked against him. These dreams placed Joseph’s brothers under his authority. If none of the other things would have set the brothers at odds, this would have done it. You who have a younger brother or sister know exactly what I mean.
   
   At 17, Joseph did not have the maturity that life teaches with age. It is good to dream, but wisdom and experience teach us that sometimes we have to be careful how we share our dreams and with whom we share them. At 17, I very much doubt that Joseph understood everything that was happening in his life. Joseph was at the very least, naïve, and possibly a little arrogant, as he told his dreams. And although Jacob observed, he was silent.
   
   When Joseph went out to the fields to check on his brothers again, he made sure to wear his new coat. This would be like wearing a sign which said, “Look at me!” to his brothers. It was not only inappropriate, but it was no-doubt taken by his brothers as an “In-your-face!” statement.
   

Fathers, with our young people losing their sense of direction and the ever-increasing problems which confront our families, you are called to provide leadership as never before—leadership that would not only encourage the Josephs in your life to dream, but also their brothers.

My wife stayed in Gary, Indiana, for years until finally she dreamed of a better life in Illinois. In her testimony, she shared this point: every time she would tell somebody about her dream, they would talk her out of going beyond the city limits of Gary. Many of you know how dangerous Gary has become. And yet it is remarkable that many who talked her out of leaving Gary talked about the danger of going to Illinois alone. This persisted until one day she made up her mind that she was going to look for better opportunities in Illinois. She stopped telling everybody about her dream, and like Nike, she just did it!

Sometimes when you have a dream to get that new job, to finish school, or to find a mate who loves the Lord like you, there will be those who will say, “You can’t get that job,” “Nobody else is finishing school,” and “The person you are looking for doesn’t exist!” Now some dreams are nothing more than side effects from the bad pizza you had the night before. But if God continues to place a dream in your spirit, even though like Joseph you may not fully understand, you can know with assurance that He will give you what’s necessary to see it fulfilled.

So when you believe God has given you the dream, be prayerful and trust Him to bring it to pass. And if you happen to have a son or a daughter who has great dreams, teach them to look beyond the obstacles which they think stand in their way (the color of their skin or the side of town where they were born). Teach them to commit their dreams to God and trust Him to bring them to pass.
 
Let me close now by telling you my dream! You see, I dreamed that God was going to give me a godly woman who loved the Lord. I loved going to church and working in the church, and so I wanted a woman with the same desires. Little did I know that she was in Indiana while I was in Illinois. God had a plan for ministry for me in Illinois, so in order for her to meet me, God had to bring her from Indiana to Illinois so we could both fulfill our dreams.

Some of you have not been able to dream because you’ve focused on your dysfunctional family, which has caused you to live a dysfunctional life, which has caused you to develop a dysfunctional attitude, which developed in you an “I can’t” mind-set!   Today I want to shake things up for you by reminding you that we serve a God of infinite possibilities. Your family dysfunctions may have caused a spiritual break in your life which has made you feel like God has given up on you. Here’s what you’ve got to do: look beyond the break and see the possibilities that God has for your life. Keep trusting the Lord and do what is right. Commit your way to the Lord. The psalmist said in Psalm 37:6, “And He shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light…” He is the God Who, according to Ephesians 3:20, is able to do above and beyond all that you think or imagine, according to His riches in glory!

After giving Joseph the dream, God prepared him to receive the blessing. Fathers, pray for your sons and daughters and encourage them so that they might seek the blessings of the Lord. Teach them not to give up regardless, of their circumstances or their station in life. Joseph had to be thrown in a pit, enslaved, and incarcerated so God could get him ready to receive the blessings that he saw in his dreams.

If you haven’t received Jesus Christ, let me tell you how. Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.” (KJV) God’s gift of salvation can be yours if you are willing to accept what He has done for you on a place called Calvary!

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